Things have been hard. But they are getting better. I’m standing taller. And every day there seems another thing to knock me back down. But I’m getting up again. Every damn time.
But I’m not writing a lot yet. So I’m speaking how I can. Healing as I can. Getting better as I can.
Truth
I wander,
lost
In the alien void,
a cloak,
a ghost.
A ripple of blackness in the void of sharp things and night.
Then I see one,
lost and alone.
A perfectly formed creature of light and life
grimly trudging in this place
where it does not live,
and does not belong.
For it stumbles to its knees.
And my heart aches
For this is a being of the sun
but its glow is so faint
flickering and faltering
weeping golden drop of dusk into a dark world that does not care.
I glide forward
insides twisting and dancing
deathly afraid of the glowing, beautiful thing.
I touch it and it burns me.
Fire upon my dark skin
But the light, the light is brighter as it searches the darkness for hope.
I see the embers of my flame kissed hand,
and to the face of beauty that weeps
and I spread myself like the dusk
and settle upon the burning beauty
The agony is immediate
And it fills all my senses as I scream…
And then it is gone, running.
It is bright again,
it is healthy, whole.
and as fireflies borne of my own skin flicker past my eyes
It is able to move on
and it does.
I see the burning dawn on the horizon
I know the angel will be alright.
So I flee into the dark
The caves, alone
in the night that never ends
alone.
But again, in starlight
I emerge and wander in my sadness
and again, a beautiful wanderer
and again, used and discarded.
To make them strong
left to convalesce in the dank.
But it changed me, these angels.
I saw a simmering radiance on the walls of my cave
and I knew the burns had healed black
But inside, the fire still burned
Still glowed.
And I wondered if the night would ever have me back.
But then it came,
An angel with only a flicker of luster
wounded and alone.
And I stayed my hand,
for fear and memory burned me.
Worse than any reality ever could.
But those eyes, those glorious portal of a sojourning soul
could finally see me and begged for contact,
for understanding.
I dove into the angel and the fire turned me into a bonfire.
But I knew the true nature of love.
And it is what you give, not what you receive.
I fell to the rocks,
Fire tracing my every fiber, discarded and alone.
I heard the angel shift,
I waited to hear it walk away.
But then it touched me, lifted me
and held me to its burning breast.
I screamed and I roared
I burned and I felt I would die
and so it set me down
and began to walk to the dawn
but even as it walked, and the fires died on my skin
I saw the angel, and saw the beautiful burning soul streaked with the blackest night.
I dragged myself from the thorny ground
And I flew for the celestial form
I settled about it
but it flung me off
and ran for the dawn
powerful, and light, and dark, and strong.
I chased it with tenacity
and with speed and soul and songs
and still it ran.
Until I realized it wasn’t running from the night.
It was running from me, and the hurt it could do to me.
And we came to the celestial line, and it stumbled again.
I raced beyond it as it again fell,
Standing between a painful life with it and the doom behind me.
and I saw the sparkling streams of sadness
strung through with darkness, my darkness eating at the light.
But the sun was coming. Coming for me.
And the angel reached for me, afraid.
I burst with speed I flew like the wind.
Into the arms of the sun.
The light it seared me
it punched through to my core.
It ripped apart everything it touched
And I screamed in the light, my flaws laid bare.
I cried as I burned, in the light of a new dawn
Fears like fissures dripping with fire
and an amalgam of truth punching into my core
as I screamed.
I cried.
The angel crawled beyond endurance to the edge of the dawn.
It reached for me
from inside the night,
Tears falling like rain.
And I reached for it,
fires from my body
pouring black smoke into the sky
The angel lurched, it flailed, the sky burning the night inside it
and it came under the nourishing eye of the day.
It enveloped me into its arms.
and together we burned,
and together we cried
as the night was taken from us in a conflagration
And finally, finally,
one did for me what I had always done for them.
And after I looked into the angel’s perfect eyes.
And I waited. For we were burning.
But I had hope.
That at least We would burn together.
Burn until the night, the darkness inside,
was gone forever,
and we could walk hand in hand.
Through every day, and every night,
together.
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